BE THOU MY VISION

Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on. ~ Exodus 14:13-15

Guidance and direction are no doubt at the top of the list of things that people turn their heads heavenward for. God is probably the only Being in the universe that I have ever looked to and sincerely said, Just tell me what to do – which is kind of a big deal for a person with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. If God ever once actually wrote on a wall for me, I’d probably die of shock – I might be more inclined to think it was a handy God-card to play in times of confusion.

God doesn’t generally tell me what to do. Morally, yes. Matters of conscience, absolutely. Not that I always obey, but God has woken me up in the middle of the night and flat-out said, You need to deal with this, please. But for big life decisions and forks in the road, I’ve tried knock, knock, knocking on Heaven’s Door and have received only the wisdom of raw knuckles. I’ve tried drawing straws, I’ve tried jumping overboard, but there never seems to be a swallow you up here, spit you out there whale around when you need one. 

It has happened that I've been on my face on the floor, being still and waiting on the deliverance of the Lord, and a Voice will say, Why are you crying out to Me? Keep moving.

Sometimes I think I confuse God with a game show host – I just want a quick peek behind Door Number Two before I decide if I should sell my house and move to Yemen. We’ve all read Robert Frost – we know how way leads on to way. Nobody wants to mess up, miss the boat or land on a snake that’s just going to take us back to square one – unless the boat is the Titanic, and then we definitely want to be sure to miss that. Isn’t that what God is with us for? To say, This is the way – walk in it?

Two roads diverge in a wood, and we can lose all sense of reason. Oh God, where do You want me to go? Where do you want to go? I don’t know, where do You want to go? What do you mean, where do I want to go? I’m everywhere. Where do you want to go? Wellll… honestly? The Promised Land You were mentioning earlier sounds nice. You know, all that ‘flowing with milk and honey’ stuff? It sounds pretty appealing. Which way will fast-track me there? You don’t know anything about taking care of cows or bees. Good point. But I want to be in Your perfect will, Oh God, and I especially want life to be a lot easier – I would assume, because You love me, that we’re pretty much on the same page on that one? Not too easy, mind you – I don’t want to feel guilty about how great my life is. But just good enough that people can see that You’re with me, and that I’m doing all the right things. I've loved You with everything in me, and it would give us both credibility if my life was a little more ‘charmed’. Honestly, right now, I've got that 'I want to go back to Egypt' kind of feeling going on - so consider Yourself warned. You know the kind of troubles I really like? The kind that allow me to play to my strengths. No more of those ‘take you out at the knees’ kind of troubles, please – my floors are rarely clean enough for that. I would really like to go in a direction that makes my life less stressful, allows me to use my strengths, brings out the best in me and makes me feel that I have fulfilled my purpose as a human being. This sounds like a job interview. I’m just looking for a little direction, God. Just a quick little finger-point, really, and I’m good to go. I am having a hard time hearing Your voice over the sounds of my children fighting, and the washing machine is kind of loud. Sorry, did You say ‘right’, or ‘left’? Seriously? This again? How old are you? Enough with this ‘right or left, right or left’ stuff – it’s starting to get on My nerves. Oh God, is that really You? I don’t recognize Your voice – I’ve never heard You use the word ‘nerves’ before. God, if this is really God, just give me a sign so I know that it’s You. (Face palm) Listen. I gave you skills, I gave you desires, I gave you burdens, I gave you My solemn vow of faithfulness to you. I care about who you are, not where you are. And you know exactly what that means, so don't pretend that you don't. 

It has done me well to remember that God has no problem with letting me walk around and around and around the same stupid mountain until I die, if I can’t manage to get my attitude in line. God is not concerned with destination – God is concerned first with redemption, and then with having right minded people ready to accept and endure the very hard work that is required to live and to make peace in the land of Promise. Apparently this can take more than forty years if you’re prone to error and grumbling.

We generally think that having direction means that we can see – and the thing about deserts is that on a clear day, sand dunes aside, you really should be able to see for miles and miles. Anything ominous coming, you’ll see ages before it pulls up alongside you – not that you’ll have anywhere to hide. Vision should really be the least of your concerns, except for the fact that everything looks the same whichever direction that you look.

It isn’t that you can’t see. It’s that you can see everything, and you can’t see any way out. Nothing you do makes any difference to the scenery. You lose your point of reference. Whichever direction you turn its same sand, different dune. You start making mistakes on purpose just so you have something new to sing about, so you can taste something other than manna and sand, so you don't forget that you are alive and that life is about more than one foot in front of the other.

During their hurried flight from Egypt, and while they were waylaid in the desert by their own rebellion, impatience, dissatisfaction, ingratitude and lack of faith, God led His people by giving them something fixed to set their eyes upon – not a road map, not an inuksuk, but a Seeing, Knowing, Moving presence that completely blocked their line of vision. He led them by a pillar of cloud by day, and a pillar of fire by night.

In the daytime, a cloud rolling in front of you would block your line of sight at a time when you really should be able to see what lies in every direction. It would allow you a clean view of everything except what lies ahead. At night, a fire blazing in front of you would allow vision when you really should not be able to see what is going on around you. It would not serve as a light unto your path – it would blind you to what lay ahead while pushing back the darkness to reveal things that have nothing to do with where you’re going and would otherwise never be seen.

I don’t even have any clarity on what that means, practically speaking – but in those times where I feel like running and I can see everything BUT which way to go, I know that I need to trust the smoke and the flame and that God is in them. I know that following God has nothing to do with seeing the path, and everything to do with locking eyes on the Guide and trusting without grumbling, without trying to run out in front, without holding the security of slavery in my heart. I know that this becomes especially important when God is trying to put distance between you and something, as it is when you find yourself going around and around the same stupid mountain.