BRIDE OF CHRIST - STEPFORD WIFE

Maybe it is the way it’s always been, but our minds are saturated with unrealistic expectations. Performance enhancing drugs, photo shopping, breast augmentation, hair extensions, cubic zirconia, face lifts, spray tans, Viagra, gel nails, happy pills, relax pills, pills for sitting at attention – everything is augmented. So much is fake. It used to be that fake meant ugly plastic flowers – nobody liked them, nobody was expected to believe they were real. They filled a space, they added colour and they were low, low maintenance. But these days we are being pushed to prefer what isn’t real. These days, fake seems to be the standard. These days, fake is very, very high maintenance.

It’s hard to live up to all the pressure. It’s expensive just trying to keep your hair and skin looking like they are younger than they are. It’s overwhelming trying not to be inconvenient with your emotions – to pretend that you are in complete control of yourself, that you are never sad or depressed or angry. It is exhausting trying to stay always at an optimum level of motivation and inspiration. We really can’t do it all without special tools, doctors, drinks, medications, and daily affirmations – I’m not always sure God wants to get involved.

Sometimes I worry that we have let perfectionism bleed all over the church. We don’t know how to confess our sins anymore. We are losing the gift of encouragement to motivational speakers. We are forgetting our purpose. Sometimes I have to look it up, because I can’t quite remember exactly.

I know God wants His church to be real. I know God wants His bride to be the realest thing around. God did not sign up for a Stepford Wife – always submissive, always vacuuming and getting rid of stains, never questioning, never showing pain or frustration, never thinking or feeling or having a bad day, never eating too many cookies, always smiling. I don’t think that is how God envisioned His church at all. I hope it is not. I would never survive – I can’t even play Martha.

But I have said, like Martha, Lord, if only You had been here. God has been beautiful to me, and has protected and covered me, but God does not often do what I want. It very rarely happens that I ask God for something and that I get it just the way I asked for it. Very often I just get silence, which I have been taught to assume means a no. Very often I get something I would not have thought to ask for – not even in the ballpark. Like I asked for a watch and I got a ratchet set. Sometimes it seems very random. Sometimes it is the opposite of what I want. I ask God for strength and direction, and I get more to carry and the road disappears. Very often I simply do not understand.

Sometimes I get tired of the spiritual gymnastics I have to do to make it ok that God isn’t coming through the way I want. God never closes a door unless He opens a window. Sometimes our tears are our blessings in disguise. God’s ways are higher than ours. You never know what God is protecting you from. God knows what you need more than you do. God’s timing and your timing are not the same. God is not your personal genie. If God doesn’t give you what you want, it’s because God has something better planned for you. God knows you are not ready to receive that. God is growing you. God won’t do for you what you can do for yourself. The most amazing miracles happen underground, where you cannot see them – Spring will come, and you will see. Every bit of that is true. But the fact that we have so many different ways to avoid saying, God is not doing what I want, tells me that I am not alone.

I wish I could have a fingertip on Holy - but God has been asking me to just work on real. The truth is I have said some very real words to God. I have once or twice told God that I think maybe He is an Impotent Husband and that I am sick to barfing of all His words, words, words. I have once or twice said, If You love me so much, and You’re so all-powerful, then why don’t You just – DO something? I don’t always have peace that passes understanding – sometimes I am very unsettled and confused. I have once or twice lain face down on the floor, breathed in and out and said God, God, God, God because that was all there was to say. Not a name, not a prayer, not a swear – just not the sound of silence. I have told God a few times that I am tired of being the only one who is ever wrong in this relationship, and that it just isn’t healthy – that I am tired of being the one who has to do all the soul searching.

God doesn’t need me to cover for Him. God has nothing to hide. I know that I am dust, and that God is God is God.

In Love there is intimacy and naked and real. I can’t believe God wants to watch me tape a smile onto my face and hear me say, Fine. God doesn’t want my fake. Dead, dead in my sins, dead deep down in my soul – these God can deal with. God specializes in resurrection. It’s the paint that has to go.