POSTPARTUM

I don’t remember worrying about much before I had children. I put off till tomorrow, I slept peacefully in airplanes, I chatted with strangers on buses – I lived day to day. I didn’t worry about a lot of things I worry about now, like crashing and stranger danger and falling out of tree houses. Parenting has a way of adding new levels of awareness. There are so very many things you could worry about, if you were so inclined.

I wonder very often about why I was chosen – why I was chosen to be mother to my three beautiful children. They’re each so very different – different from me, different from one another. They are so incredible in the here and now, and so filled with potential. Sometimes I just don’t have a clue. I worry about wrecking them. I think maybe God didn’t factor in all the risks when they were placed into my hands. Maybe God hadn't read my Family History.

I know a lot of amazing women, but I have not met one yet who makes me think to myself, Yes, I would let you raise my children. You are everything I wish I could be for them. You would draw out everything in my children that I wish I knew how. You would not wreck them in any way. For all my limitations, when I start to think about whom besides me could raise my children if I were not around, I look at all the people I love the best and I become very, very aware of flaws.

I do not think, I am looking for someone to raise My beloved only begotten Son,Word made flesh, helpless baby. Hey, there’s this teenager – I think she’s about fourteen. She's engaged to a man she barely knows – a blue-collar type, who works with his hands. My Son will tarnish his reputation – the timing will be ‘off’. Now, there is always the possibility that he will not love My Son in the same way as he will love the ones made in his own image. And My Son will most likely become fodder for playground gossip – ‘He doesn’t know his real father. His parents weren’t married when his mom got pregnant. They had to get married. His dad only married his mom because he’s a nice guy, and he didn’t want her to get stoned.’ Yes, yes, off to a great start. They shall be his parents.

God wasn’t worried.

God could not have done more to establish just exactly how much He was not worried. God put Jesus into the care of a teenage girl and a carpenter, dropped him into their arms in a stable surrounded by the smells and sounds of animals – the furthest thing from safe or sanitary, with nowhere else to go – far, far away from home, on purpose.

The thing that I have to keep reminding myself over and over again is, it is not about me.

I knew this before my children were born – before they ever moved inside me – when I didn’t know who they were or all that they would need. I was only a vessel. No angel spoke it to me, and yet I pondered it in my heart. But sometimes I forget. I need to be reminded.

You are blessed among women – you are the chosen. I have not given you to My children – I have given My children to you. These children are gifts.These children will bless you and bring joy to your soul. They will absolutely change your world. Open your heart wide to receive, and let the God love fill you. It is not about worthy – it is only about willing.